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Let's give this a try....... [Oct. 16th, 2014|09:01 pm]
The Redneck

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Two muslims board a plane.... [Sep. 1st, 2011|11:37 am]
The Redneck
And beside them sits a rabbi. 

After take-off, the rabbi kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes, and relaxed--and the Arab in the window seat said "I need to get up and get a Coke."

"No, don't get up," said the rabbi.  "I'm in the aisle seat; I'll get it for you."

As soon as he was out of sight, the Arab picked up one of the rabbi's shoes and spat in it.  When the rabbi returned with the Coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good--I'd really like one too."

Obligingly, the rabbi went to fetch it, and as soon as he was out of sight he picked up the other shoe and spat in it.  When the rabbi returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight--until the plane was landing, and the rabbi slipped his feet into his shoes.

He leaned over and sorrowfully asked the two muslims, "Why does it have to be this way?  How long must this go on?  This fighting between our nations?  This hatred?  This animosity?  This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?"
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The Zarkman Blogs [May. 24th, 2011|05:53 pm]
The Redneck
This is more to keep the links handy for myself, but by all means, read 'em all. These things rock.

Stop Questioning My Patriotism

Stop Comparing me to American Moonbats

This War Sucks

I Hate My Boss

I'm Surrounded by Idiots

I Hate Email

Zarkman Live (Iraq Election Coverage)

Paradise is Over-rated

This New Roommate is Driving Me Nuts

And if anybody is offended by this, just stay tuned and I'll come up with something of my own to offend you too. No need to let Mr. Iowahawk have all the fun.
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Holy crap, they don’t quit. [Apr. 16th, 2011|02:46 am]
The Redneck
[Current Mood |pissed offpissed off]
[Current Music |"Drill Here, Drill Now" by Aaron Tippin]

Aw shit, not again......

The rumors about Trig Palin are still being spray-shitted around by the Left.

For those still lucky enough to be unaware, Sarah Palin gave birth to her son Trig on April 18, 2008. Her daughter, Bristol Palin, gave birth to her son Tripp on December 27, 2008.

Trig’s birth made Sarah Palin an instant target for the Left, for the simple reason that Trig has Down’s Syndrome and she didn’t kill him off when she had the chance. After all, that’s supposedly what abortion is for. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like the fact that most abortions are committed for women who screwed around and don’t want to face up to it, were told—we have to keep abortion legal so that when a child is found to be retarded they can do a quick mercy-kill… sorta like a lemon-law for kids (Don’t get pissed off just yet—Princeton chair of Ethics Peter Singer says we should extend the ‘throw it back’ period up to 30 days after the child’s birth. And yes, by “Princeton chair of Ethics” I mean that a prestigious American university gave this guy a high-ranking position and pays him to teach people how to be ethical.).

Because of this (and because they figure as a woman she’s supposed to hate men and capitalism), the Left hates Sarah Palin. I don’t mean they disagree with her, or that they dislike her, or that they think she’d be a poor president, I mean they hate her—the kind of hatred that utterly transcends any sense of shame, or ability to reason, or integrity. Thus the rumors about Trig Palin.

According to such illustrious leftists as DailyKos and DemocraticUnderground, Bristol Palin is actually Trig’s mother, and Sarah pretended to be pregnant with this kid, pretended to give birth to this kid, and still pretends this kid is hers, because it would cause political trouble for her to admit her kid got pregnant. DailyKos ran with this slander (and more than once, at that) but before them other internet assholes tried the same thing. Huffington Post, which can always be counted on to do something fucked up, jumped on the bandwagon, and proving just how fucked up the Left is, our esteemed media went a step further on JournoList (where they thought we wouldn’t see) and claimed that not only is Bristol Trig’s mother, but Todd Palin (yes, her father--that Todd Palin) is the child’s father--typical of the left, they base this claim on the solid evidence of.... a movie they saw once.

Fortunately, it backfired. All they did was expose how deranged they are and display that they will throw aside every possible standard to put a fellow socialist in office. Did it work? Well, the socialist won, but it’s hard to see how much of it was due to that particular piece of atrocious slander—especially when the left provided so much to compete with—and there’s no doubt their display was part of what catapulted the TEA Party into office in 2010.

But Palin’s not done yet. That’s a minor miracle in itself, considering the effort that’s been put into slandering, smearing, and harassing her, but she’s still standing and still fighting. And amusingly enough, many of us who don’t completely approve of her positions (like her approval of the infamous “Bridge to Nowhere” or her policy of supporting state insurance pretending that homosexual couples are legitimate (and subsidizable) relationships), end up having to defend her because the smears are so blatantly dishonest, so vicious, so absolutely obscene that we can’t just stand aside. Some on the Left say “Ignore her and she’ll go away”—and I think they’re right, when it comes to Sarah Palin—but remember what I said about hatred transcending reason. I think if they knew for a solid fact that the next smear, the next bit of froth-at-the-mouth slander, the next vicious, cowardly attack, would solidify support behind her and catapult her to the presidency, they’d still do it. They’d hate it, they’d spend the next eight years blaming each other for it (when they’re not screaming “racism,” at least), and they’d try to cover it with an even greater outpouring of hatred, but they’d do it. They just wouldn’t be able to help it.

And they’re not done yet. In fact, it’s taken on a revival, with a journalism professor from Kentucky (a journalism professor, peddling a vicious, slanderous smear? Oh, say it ain’t so!). Professor Bradford Scharlott of North Kentucky University has written a paper now, supposedly proving not only that Bristol was actually Trig’s mother despite the actual evidence, but that the media was a bunch of wusses for not reporting it—because you know how the mainstream media just feeds out of Sarah Palin’s hand.

His big contrast is the Birthers, who wonder about Obama’s birth certificate, in a sad attempt; to correlate the two. The two don’t have a correlation for the simple reason that the Birther debate is over Obama’s actual qualifications to serve as President while the Trig conspiracy is nothing more than vicious, hateful slander directed at Palin’s children.

Now, before someone starts calling me a Birther, let me make my position on it clear:

*Obama was probably born in Hawaii.

*Whether his father was a Kenyan or a British citizen makes no difference.

*If Obama had been born in Kenya, Zaire, China, Japan, Czechoslovakia, or Brazil, he’d still be an America-hating socialist, a tool of the unions, and a shitty president.

*If it turns out I’m wrong, and the Birther lawsuits prove that Obama’s really a Kenyan, British, or Indonesian citizen, it won’t make a lick of difference. He won’t step down, our judiciary won’t make him step down, and our legislature doesn’t have the balls to impeach him on it. In other words, there is no magic bullet—we cannot simply produce a paper, or a witness, or a computer file, that will magically undo the damage Obama has done to this country.

*Obama has proven, again and again, that he is not qualified to be president—by his lack of integrity, his stupidity, his adherence to socialism, and the fact that he is completely and thoroughly owned by the labor unions and the corrupt Chicago machine. Next to that, where he was born is pretty friggin’ irrelevent.

The rest of his argument is that Palin didn’t go where she was expected to go—Oh, I dunno, maybe because vicious, hateful bastards like you were hounding her and she needed some friggin privacy?

But for the trump card—the magic bullet to this disgusting and rather asinine slander, I present… common damn sense.

Sarah Palin’s son Trig Palin was born on April 18, 2008.

Bristol Palin’s son Tripp Palin was born on December 27, 2008, and was a week late.

Pregnancy lasts at least 38 weeks for a child that was carried to term. Add a week, since Tripp Palin was late, and that means that Bristol was pregnant with Tripp for an absolute minimum of 39 weeks. Multiply that by 7 days in a week and you get 273 days.

Subtract 27 days for the portion of December she was pregnant, and she was at least 246 days pregnant at the beginning of December.

30 days for November, and she was at least 216 days pregnant at the beginning of the month.

Subtract another 31, and she was, at a bare minimum, 185 days pregnant at the beginning of October.

Take another 30 days for September, and the beginning of that month sees her at 155 days.

Another 31 days, and at the beginning of August she was 124 days pregnant.

31 days again, and at the beginning of July she was 93 days pregnant.

Just 30 days for June, and at the beginning of that month she was 63 days pregnant.

Another 31 for May, and at the beginning of May she was 32 days pregnant.

Now subtract 30 days for the month of April (see where this is going yet?), and we have two days left.

Take those last two days, and we’re looking at a conception date at about the 29th of March--at the latest.

Now, if Bristol had actually given birth to Trig, she couldn’t have gotten pregnant before then—first because it’s not very frickin’ likely to conceive during your ninth month of pregnancy, and second because Tripp would have simply been a miscarriage. And I can only presume she wasn’t up to sex just after the birth of her first child—never having passed a kidney stone the size of a grapefruit, I can’t say “I know what it would feel like” but I can only assume she didn’t want anything in there for awhile. I know if I’d gotten The Purpleneck stuck in an ice-crushing machine, it would be a good long while before I had any urge to break out the Jergens’ and the pictures of Ann Coulter.

Yet, for the Trig-is-Bristol’s-Kid conspiracy to be possible at all, she would have to have conceived her second son three weeks before the birth of her first. That just don’t happen, folks.


And an update! Apparently I'm not the only one to notice this--and the resurgence of this issue, like the original, is no isolated incident. Among the tolerance displayed by the Left:

Is Palin his true mother? Or was Bristol? (And why is it that nobody questions who the father is? Because, either way, Todd definitely did it.)

Enjoy yourself today, Trig. Have fun! Get drunk (on purpose this time)!
(a reference to the slander that Trig has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome rather than Down's)... You're the smartest one in that family.

These are the guys who tell me I'm intolerant and hateful whenever I protest a government giveaway or nationalization.
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Writer's Block: Into the night [Mar. 2nd, 2011|04:03 pm]
The Redneck

How would you describe your perfect evening in six words (e.g., I stayed home and ate pasta)?

I boned Ann Coulter all night.
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Fuckin' ew, man. Motherfuckin' ew. [Nov. 29th, 2010|06:32 pm]
The Redneck
OK, I had a small problem with roaches.  And I couldn't understand it.  I killed the little fuckers wherever I saw them, I never left food out (mostly because I didn't wanna have to worry about whether a roach was on it when I ate it, so I made sure to keep it where the little bastards couldn't get to it), and I took care not to even leave dirty dishes in the sink too long.  But I still kept seeing the little cocksuckers. 

Today I found out why.

When I got my 42" television (I used to work at a pawnshop), I gave away my old TV to one of my neighbors.  That 42" was a kickass TV... especially since I live in a 420-square-foot apartment.  I could heat my home with my television, and if I turned it right I could drink a beer, take a shit, and watch a movie at the same time.

Then, last month, I lost it.  "Lost" meaning that some son of a bitch took a sledgehammer to my door while I was at class and took it, along with both my computer monitors and my favorite pistol.

My neighbor was kind enough to let me have my television back.  I didn't put it together that this is when I started seein' the things--it started turning cold about them, and I figured they were just doing like any animal would do and going where it was warm.  I was a little disconcerted when I found my next-door neighbor (the guy with the TV is three doors down) didn't have any problem with the little fuckers at all, but I didn't really put it together until today.

Today, I decided to turn the TV a little to face towards my computer desk, so I could chat with someone and watch a movie at the same time.  So I turned the TV, and the surface  underneath it had them little egg-foundation things stuck all over it, and three cockroaches crawled out.  One was pure white, like it had just molted. 

So I tilted the sucker up, and there were six or eight of the fuckers of a decent size, and a good dozen of the little bitty ones running around.  Three empty egg-sacs, and the whole surface under the TV has them little dots under it--where they molted and the skin stuck, or where the eggs stuck, or maybe just roach-shit, I dunno.  Smelled like a rodent's cage that hadn't been cleaned out in too long.  Now I know why the roach baits weren't putting a dent in the population.

So I sprayed the living shit out of it with bugspray--I even unplugged the TV and sprayed RAID into the vents of it--and tomorrow I'll take it outside and see if anything else crawls out of it while I clean up the surface it was setting on (I'd do it right now, but it's raining outside).  If I got to throw the damn thing out, I can't complain about losing it--after all, I'd given it away once already, and I bought it back in '96--but this is just fucking adding insult to injury.

Adding a fucking <i>gross</i> insult to injury.
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From the days of Silver Moon.... [Nov. 6th, 2010|12:43 am]
The Redneck
If you don't recognize it...  lucky you.  For those that remember the Werewolf game on the White Wolf HTML's with the Gypsy Kumpania drawn directly from one of Anne Rice's wet dreams......

Wake's Desecrated--Were-Gerbils

One day in the not-so-distant past, one of the most powerful Shadow Seers ever born to the Ratkin meditated upon the plight of his smaller, distant relatives. When the Shadow Lords visited a town, pet stores found themselves empty of gerbils, gerbils who lived for hours of the most degrading and disgusting torture before finally dying of suffocation.

Uneasy Rider '88 thought and thought upon this concept, then came up with a most brilliant idea. He gathered among him other powerful spiritworkers, and after entreaties and offerings to Rat and to the spirit Gerbil, they began their Rite.

The powerful weaving of magics took months to complete, but at the end a new weapon stood before them, ready to carry the fight against the Garou--the Wake's Desecrated.

The Rite of Opened Passage creates Wake's Desecrated, and since only a gerbil, not a human, can suffer this Gift, all Wake's Desecrated are Gerblus.

Rage: 3
Gnosis: 5
Willpower: 4


Homid: No stat changes.
Desecrated in Homid form look like any other homid. They tend to be smaller than most people, with
semi-blond hair (ash blond, dark blond, dirty blond) and unfortunately, they carry a faint scent of feces
that not even the most strenuous washing can remove.

Crinos: +1 Str, +2 Dex, +3 Sta. -2 App, -3 Man
The Wake's Desecrated in Crinos is not quite an awe-inspiring sight. In fact, it's almost
pathetic--the Crinos stands about 3 feet at the shoulder, with thick, shaggy fur and razor-sharp
teeth, The Crinos Desecrated's claws cause Str - 1 lethal damage, while its bite causes Str + 1
aggravated damage. The Wake's Desecrated, of course, took no part in the Impergium, so they do not suffer causing the Delerium. However, the odor of feces surrounding the Crinos form is so overpowering that all except Shadow Lords must make a Stamina roll, difficulty 7, to avoid retching--retching while
fighting causes a +2 difficulty to all rolls. Anyone who fails this roll may attempt to stop retching every
round after the third with a Stamina roll at difficulty 8.

Gerblus: -2 Str, -1 Sta, Man
The Gerblus form is a small gerbil--a fragile creature with few defenses except the Gifts granted to it by
Rat and by Gerbil.


Rank 1: Hold Breath, Pick Him!, Ultra-Dark Navigation

Rank 2: Rite of Opened Passage, Curse of Herpes, Pull the Tube

Rank 3: Armageddon Launch, Mistaken Identity

Rank 4: Plague Bite, The Great Cornholio, Call the Proctologist

Rank 5: Crawling, Do Unto Others, Backdoor C-4

Hold Breath--With this Gift, a Wake's Desecrated can hold its breath for upwards of an hour. This Gift is
activated with the expenditure of a Gnosis Point.

Pick Him!--With a successful Manipulation + Stealth roll, a Wake's Desecrated can cause a victimizer to
choose another gerbil rather than himself for the evening's... festivities.

Ultra-Dark Navigation--In some areas where a gerbil may find itself, sight is useless and smell is even
more so. This Gift allows the Wake's Desecrated to find his way without any physical senses. It requires
a Gnosis roll to activate.

Rite of Opened Passage--With this Gift, a Wake's Desecrated can help to end the victimization of his
race by changing gerbils to Desecrated. This takes the expenditure of a permanent Gnosis point, and the
blessing of a gerbil just before its torture. When within... well, within, the gerbil sees the torture
handed down by Shadow Lords throughout the generations to his kind, and gains both the spiritual insight and the anger to burst forth in fury and work for revenge. This could, concievably, be used with the Do Unto Others Gift to create Homid Wake's Desecrated, but it has never been tried.

Curse of Herpes--This Gift is rather simple; when activated, the oppressor suffers from large, painful
blisters for several days. Roll Rage, difficulty 8--the effects last one day per success. Unfortunately, physical contact is required.

Pull the Tube--This Gift allows a Wake's Desecrated to draw strength from the pain of its oppressor. The
tube through which it was... introduced is yanked inside almost completely, and as the oppressor howls
in pain the Desecrated gathers Gnosis. Roll Gnosis, difficulty 6--each success restores 1 point of Gnosis;
every two successes cause 1 level of unsoakable lethal damage to the oppressor. Shadow Lords of Adren or higher rank are unaffected--the tube is still yanked in, but they no longer find it painful.

Armageddon Launch--This powerful Gift allows a Desecrated to not only escape its oppression, but to
do with with great speed. Roll Strength + Athletics--the Desecrated flies 15 feet plus 5 feet
per success, and causes one level of lethal damage per success.

Mistaken Identity--This mind trick causes an oppressor to... abuse... some random item rather than the
Desecrated. Roll Manipulation + Subterfuge, difficulty the opponent's Wits + 3. The object in
question and any damage caused are up to ST discretion.

Plague Bite--This Gift, like the Ratkin Gift, spreads vicious disease through an oppressor. Spend one
Gnosis, and anyone bitten takes one level of aggravated damage per hour. All rolls are at +3
difficulty because of the pain and shaking, and when the oppressor is down to Incapacitated, he makes a
Stamina roll, difficulty 8 (the +3 modifier does not apply here). If it fails, the oppressor dies. If it
succeeds, the oppressor remains ill for another day but will survive. Shifters will always survive, but
will still suffer that extra day.

The Great Cornholio- This Gift requires the expenditure of 2 gnosis, and rolls Stamina + Enigmas, dif 6. It can only be activated during...ahem, abuse. However, the effects are spectacular to say the least. All mental attributes are halved, social stats are reduced to 1. The affected Garou runs around screaming maniacally, asking if anyone has "Tp for my bunghole" and drinking large amounts of coffee.

Call the Proctologist--This Gift enables the Desecrated to relocate instantly to another place, leaving the "host" wondering where it went. The use of this gift has a side-effect on the oppressor, causing him to require a Wits check against panicking.
System: The Desecrated creates an invisible, intangible passage (similar to Bridge Walker) that he or she alone can travel in the time it would take to travel that distance normally. While in the Umbra, often various Spirits are attracted to this activity, including those of great odor, and even lesser Wyrm Spirits (due to the oppression that drew them to the location). The Desecrated spends one point of Gnosis to create the passage which remains open for one scene, unless he/she spends a permanent Gnosis point to make it last until the next full moon, which can add one more difficulty modifier to the oppressor's Wits roll each time
the "lost" Gerbil occasionally can be felt writhing within when it should have been long dead of suffocation.
Side Effect: The oppressor rolls Wits plus Rank (as an elder Shadow Lord is less likely to care that something crawled up his ass and died)difficulty 7. While one success prevents panic, failure causes a frantic proctological search for the missing Gerbil. (Or overuse of strong laxatives such as Awakened Prunes.) A Botch causes Fox Frenzy. This Gift is taught by a Mole Spirit.

Crawling--Insertion can be a horrible situation. With this Gift, the Gerblus lets it be known how bad this situation is. After spending 1 rage, and rolling Stamina+Enigmas at diff 8, the Gerblus begins going farther up "the road less traveled", with each success granting an extra die of Stamina for the duration. Needless to say, this is a disquieting experience for those not of Athro or higher. A series of Rage rolls on the behalf of the victim is required, while also taking about 4 levels of leathal unsoakable damage. When the diff reaches 10 is perversely when the Gerblus also makes his exit from the mouth of the victim.

Do Unto Others--Through the vagarities of space and distance in the Umbra, this extremely powerful Gift
allows a Desecrated to put someone ELSE up a Shadow Lord's ass. Spend 3 Gnosis and roll Rage, difficulty
2 + the ranks of both Garou added together. If only one party is a Garou, only that rank is added, and if
both are non-shifters, then difficulty is 6. This will cause 10 levels of lethal damage to both parties--unsoakable for the... recieving end. If still conscious, both Garou involved will need to make Frenzy checks at -2 difficulty. If the recieving end is a Shadow Lord of Elder or Legend Rank, he may soak the damage because of callousses in that location.

Backdoor C-4--sometimes, even a Desecrated desires to make one last grand gesture. This is that gesture.
While the Desecrated is being... oppressed, spend 1 Rage and roll Gnosis, difficulty 5. Every success
grants TWO levels of unsoakable aggravated damage to the oppressor. In addition, both Gnosis AND Rage may be spent in any quantity the Desecrated desires--each point spent equals another success. If not killed, the opressor is in for a couple of severely unhappy days. If killed the oppressor explodes so
dramatically that anyone within 10 feet suffers one level of damage per success.

Coming soon--of whenever I feel like addin' more-- Auspices!
New details and Gifts for the BioSpelunkers, ProStatesmen, Toothless Oracles, HellDivers, and more!
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Love America? Oppose Obama? You Fucking Terrorist! [Sep. 13th, 2010|04:21 pm]
The Redneck

Oh, don’t take my word for it—check out “Investigating Terrorism and Criminal Extremism,: Terms and concepts” a field guide published by Obama’s Justice Department (http://www.scribd.com/doc/36624151/Investigating-Terrorism-and-Criminal-Extremism-Terms-and-Concepts ).


According to its own Introduction, “Investigating Terrorism and Criminal Extremism—Terms and Concepts is a glossary designed primarily as a tool for criminal justice professionals to enhance their understanding of wordsrelating to extremist terminology, phrases, activities, symbols, organizations, and selected names that they may encounter whileconducting criminal investigations or prosecutions of members of extremist organizations…. 

Significant groups, organizations, movements, and publications that are important for an understanding of terrorism/extremism in the United States and that may be encountered by law enforcement officers and prosecutors are also documented….

The key criterion for inclusion of a term, phrase, or name in this publication is the likelihood that investigators and prosecutors may encounter it during the scope of their duties.


The Introduction is careful to claim that not every entry in the glossary implies a connection to illegal activities (as an example, they name Waco, Texas), but naturally, if the entry doesn’t imply a connection to terrorism or ‘criminal extremism,’ then there’s no need for it to be in “Investigating Terrorism and Criminal Extremism; Terms and Concepts.”


Note that I couldn’t get a look at every page, so you may well find more--but among those terms listed….

The American Pistol and Rifle Association (p. 6)

The Anti-Abortion Movement (p. 8)

Christian Patriots (p. 17)

Constitution Party—the one formerly known as US Taxpayers Party—that’s right, an AMERICAN POLITICAL PARTY noted as a watchword for people involved in anti-terrorism. (p. 20)

Constitutionalist (p. 21)

Fax Chain—“a method of disseminating information in the ‘patriot’ movement through the use of fax machines.”  (p. 29)

Fourteenth Amendment Citizen (p. 31)

Gun Owners of America (p. 34)

Jack-Booted Thug (That’s right—if you use the term Jack-booted thug, they got to watch out for you—what should we call the man who put three bullets into a little boy’s back, or the one who shot a mother while holding her baby, or the people who firebombed Waco, instead?  Deceasement Facilitators?) (p. 43)

Militia Movement (p. 49)

Neo-Confederates (that’s it; I’m a terrorist now.  Do I get to shoot off AK-47’s into the air at weddings?) (p. 55)

Neo-Secessionists—wherein they lie about the goals of Neo-confederates (p. 56)

Nuremburg Files—a website listing abortionists (p. 58)

Patriot Movement (p. 63)

Precious Metals Dealer—if you buy gold and silver, then watch your ass—terrorist.  (p. 66)

Restoring the Government/Constitution—if you believe the government has expanded beyond its constitutional limits, then watch out, terrorist, or else the Deceasement Facilitators just might be on their way…. (p. 72)

Sixteenth Amendment—apparently, being concerned about this  amendment is a BIIIIIG no-no.  (p. 77)

Specially Prepared Individuals for Key Events (SPIKE)—Bo Grits, you fucking terrorist.  (p. 79)

Survivalist—depend on the government or else, bitch.  (p. 81)

Threats, Duress and/or Coercion (TDC)—a way of saying “This law doesn’t apply to me and it’s not constitutional, but they’re making me sign it anyway.”  Apparently more than simple obedience is required.  (p. 84)

Unregistered Church Movement (p. 89)



Apparently, the Obama administration has given up even pretending to have any respect for free speech—or for any dissent to his agenda, whatsoever.   Take a look, folks, and see just how many of y’all are terrorists.


Then ask yourself just why they’re putting up definitions that are designed only to put citizens who oppose his plans in the position of enemy combatants.


I can only think of one reason—and it ain’t a pretty one.  If you’re not armed, get armed.

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Excellent piece--bears repeating [Sep. 11th, 2010|08:54 pm]
The Redneck
Especially since it's plain, ordinary common sensae.

From Porter Stansberry of the Daily Trade Alert (http://dailytradealert.com/2010/08/23/this-is-why-there-are-no-jobs-in-america/)*:

I’d like to make you a business offer.

Seriously. This is a real offer. In fact, you really can’t turn me down, as you’ll come to understand in a moment…

Here’s the deal. You’re going to start a business or expand the one you’ve got now. It doesn’t really matter what you do or what you’re going to do. I’ll partner with you no matter what business you’re in – as long as it’s legal.

But I can’t give you any capital – you have to come up with that on your own. I won’t give you any labor – that’s definitely up to you. What I will do, however, is demand you follow all sorts of rules about what products and services you can offer, how much (and how often) you pay your employees, and where and when you’re allowed to operate your business. That’s my role in the affair: to tell you what to do.

Now in return for my rules, I’m going to take roughly half of whatever you make in the business each year. Half seems fair, doesn’t it? I think so. Of course, that’s half of your profits.

You’re also going to have to pay me about 12% of whatever you decide to pay your employees because you’ve got to cover my expenses for promulgating all of the rules about who you can employ, when, where, and how. Come on, you’re my partner. It’s only “fair.”

Now… after you’ve put your hard-earned savings at risk to start this business, and after you’ve worked hard at it for a few decades (paying me my 50% or a bit more along the way each year), you might decide you’d like to cash out – to finally live the good life.

Whether or not this is “fair” – some people never can afford to retire – is a different argument. As your partner, I’m happy for you to sell whenever you’d like… because our agreement says, if you sell, you have to pay me an additional 20% of whatever the capitalized value of the business is at that time.

I know… I know… you put up all the original capital. You took all the risks. You put in all of the labor. That’s all true. But I’ve done my part, too. I’ve collected 50% of the profits each year. And I’ve always come up with more rules for you to follow each year. Therefore, I deserve another, final 20% slice of the business.

Oh… and one more thing…

Even after you’ve sold the business and paid all of my fees… I’d recommend buying lots of life insurance. You see, even after you’ve been retired for years, when you die, you’ll have to pay me 50% of whatever your estate is worth.

After all, I’ve got lots of partners and not all of them are as successful as you and your family. We don’t think it’s “fair” for your kids to have such a big advantage. But if you buy enough life insurance, you can finance this expense for your children.

All in all, if you’re a very successful entrepreneur… if you’re one of the rare, lucky, and hard-working people who can create a new company, employ lots of people, and satisfy the public… you’ll end up paying me more than 75% of your income over your life. Thanks so much.

I’m sure you’ll think my offer is reasonable and happily partner with me… but it doesn’t really matter how you feel about it because if you ever try to stiff me – or cheat me on any of my fees or rules – I’ll break down your door in the middle of the night, threaten you and your family with heavy, automatic weapons, and throw you in jail.

That’s how civil society is supposed to work, right? This is Amerika, isn’t it?

That’s the offer Amerika gives its entrepreneurs. And the idiots in Washington wonder why there are no new jobs…


Porter Stansberry

*This article originally appeared in DailyWealth. (http://www.dailywealth.com/1449/This-Is-Why-There-Are-No-Jobs-in-America)

*Note that I put the links in parenthesis because that way you can still click them in facebook.  I do know you can just hyperlink the word, but those don't carry over

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If you're not pissed, you're not paying attention. Or you're fucked up in the head. [Jun. 5th, 2010|11:35 pm]
The Redneck

Ahh, the good old New York Times.  The paper version of Google Seppuku ( http://www.ghastlycomic.com/d/20050417.html ).  Go read it first.  If you're not extremely pissed, then do not continue reading--because if that pulp didn't piss you off, I'm going to.

Back?  then you probably know what's fucked up about these people, and I don't need to rant.  But political rants ~complete~ me, so....

The first people at fault, the ones that need to be jackslapped, are the banks that allow this.  Now me, I've got a vengeful nature and I know it.  I'd rather destroy a $200,000 house that I own than sit back, powerless, and watch somebody drybugger me for twenty grand.  How can  you allow somebody to say "We don't feel like paying you--enforce the deal we all agreed to IF YOU CAN," and then try to call yourself any kind of a man?  Alright, so you can't just call in the marshals to get them out.  The wires are yours.  Take 'em out.  So's the gas lines and the phone.  And these people, busy flaunting the fact that they're stealing from you, are advertising for their business....  Fuck their business!  No, seriously, screw up their business.  Make sure everybody knows that if they deal with these people, they're dealing with people whose word is no good, who cannot be expected to hold up their end of a bargain.  What the hell are you waiting for?  For these people to develop a sense of ethics?  For another bailout to go to Obama's buddies in Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac?  For one of them to win the lottery or a few hundred grand off a personal-injury lawsuit over a stubbed toe, and hope they toss you a few crumbs?  Grow some balls, folks!

Second is the homeowners.  Let me say this as clearly as I can, so nobody's confused about where I stand or what I seem to be saying:

These people are cheats and thieves.  They are dishonest people, they are criminals, and they should be in jail.

These people borrowed loans they knew they wouldn't be able to pay back, and then tried to pretend they were oppressed when they were expected to pay back the loans.  How fucked up do you have to be to sit there and talk about how your lenders made a "Stupid move" by letting them refinance their loan to get even MORE money, and buy a truck with it.  Yeah, it was a stupid move--they trusted a couple of deadbeat crooks like you two dicksnots.

And even their mother got in on the act--we can see where they learned their sense of honesty from.  "They're all crooks," she tells us, while she's defrauding a company that gave her money when she needed it. 

Meanwhile, it's clear that "dire financial straits" doesn't exactly describe their position.  They've got three pets, they go out frequently, and they own (and use) a  recreational airboat.  Another of their fucked-up sob stories (and indeed, they make one want to weep for humanity) owns three properties, two of which are rental properties...  Wonder what he'd do if his tenants decided they didn't have to pay ~him~ anymore? 

Nevermind the foreclosure--why these people aren't in jail for breach of contract is beyond me--but probably comes from the "Grow some balls" factor I already mentioned. 

Next up for a bitchslapping is Mr. Mark P. Stopa.  This is a man who makes his living by helping deadbeat homeowners to cheat the companies they borrowed from.  When they try each and every one of these jackasses for fraud (I wish....) they ought to charge him as an accessory to each case. 

But finally, and worst of all, is the New York Times (Yes, the link is to msnbc, but the propaganda piece originally appeared in the Old Grey Slut.)  Note that not one lending company has been quoted in this entire article.  Even the one sympathetic voice quoted, the LPS director, didn't appear until almost the end of the story, with criminals quoted before and after him.  By deciding to cheat and steal, these people "are refusing to slink away in shame."  When these people took out loans they couldn't (and probably never intended to try to) pay back, "the banks created the crisis by snookering homeowners with loans that got them in over their heads."  

But worst of all, most sickening, is this little gem:
"While there are no firm figures on how many households are following the Pemberton-Reboyras path of passive resistance,..."

Passive resistance?  PASSIVE RESISTANCE?  This is not a form of protest.  This is not a stand against oppression.  And committing fraud and theft is exactly the fucking OPPOSITE of "passive resistance."  These people are not protestors.  They are not visionaries.  They are not "freedom fighters."  They are criminals.

But even more disgusting than the quote is the motive.  Or, in this case, the lack of motive.

The thieves' motives are clear--they want to stay in a house without paying for it.

The shyster lawyer's motives are clear--he wants to make money off the thieves.

But the Times?  They make no profit off this.  They don't get a dime for defending these criminals, nor do they get any other sort of benefit.  The only reason they could have for writing a propaganda piece defending these dicksnots is because they actually ~approve~ of what they're doing, on a moral and/or rational level.

And that, to me, is the most disgusting part of it all.

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